FDS Support Groups Evaluation 2014.
12
“
People come in here thinking it’s their fault. They are in such a state, hiding it from
their family, they are so ashamed. To have them hear and understand ‘it’s not your
fault’ and to look around at the other parents in the same situation, is just so helpful.”
“
We were able to realise it wasn’t anything we had done wrong. There were people
from every part of Adelaide, from every social demographic. It’s a problem that
affects people across the board.
”
“
Our teenage son had been drinking heavily on weekends. You felt like you’d come to
a place where people understood how you felt.”
“The meetings have benefited us greatly because we know we are not the only ones
with problems and by comparison our problems are miniscule compared to what
other parents are experiencing.”
Boundary setting
Setting appropriate boundaries was reported to be very difficult for parents, for
reasons that included not wanting to lose the relationship with their child, and also
due to fears that the drug user could be endangered if they didn’t help them, or that
their child could get into trouble with the police. It was also noted that when parents
are quite elderly (as is common with adult drug users) that they face particular
challenges in setting boundaries due to a lack of experience or perceived power, and
that they may be experiencing their own their own health problems and/or looking
after a spouse, grandchildren or other older relatives; as one parent noted: “
There are
so many elderly people – and their families are being held to ransom
.”
Coming to the support groups helps parents work out how to set boundaries and
maintain them, for example, one man reportedly had the experience that his adult drug
using daughter would not leave his house. The group leader was able to tell him how
the police could attend while she packed her things and left; that it was his right not to
have her living in his house. Other parents also noted how the groups had helped them
in the area of boundaries:
“We put some boundaries in place: “no drinking at our place
””
“It has helped us to realise we cannot change our son but have advised him we are
there to offer love 24/7 and not financially. He had never asked us for money but we
have learned from the meetings not to provide money assistance.”
