Jesse Laurance William Kittel
Born 18 November 1973
Died From Accidental Overdose 28 October 1999

Memories

My name is Donna...

Jesse had epilepsy and had become addicted to morphine (MS Contin), which he was originally prescribed to stop the headaches and voices in his head from Bi-Polar disorder. We live in Darwin Northern Territory and the C.L.P. Government that was in power for 27 years until August 2001. While this party was in power the drug rehabilitation options were very poor, no in house rehabilitation services at all for people under 18 years or people with Co-morbidity (Mental illness and Addiction). As Jesse was Epileptic and a Manic Depressive he could not get appropriate withdrawal treatment for his addiction.
He was a great son he loved cooking and wanted to be a chief like his aunt Cindy, Uncle Jerry and Nana Peg , he made me try his new recipe's continuously needless to say since his death I have lost 3 stone. He was very intelligent Top 12% in math for the whole of Australia in the Westpac Math contest, used to write poetry and songs and was very kind to kids and old people, I remember him best dressing up as Father Xmas and delivering Glasses my good crystal ones) full of sweets to the old folks at the Riverbank Drive Old Timers Home in Katherine NT, we found out later he stole the costume to do it as he said they had no-one to love them, the thing I remember most is that he always cared for me and others, always treated women with respect and would die for his family and friends, he died at home in my arms for this I will be forever thankful as all the drug councilors said kick him out, do not support him. The bitter irony of this is, as a carer I have resuscitated several old people yet I could not bring my beautiful son back.. I'll leave you with a verse a fellow addict gave me at Jesse funeral it says it all.

Jesse
A soul so ancient and loving, rare in a body so young, eyes full of love and compassion, for the plight of his fellow men,
To know him was to love him, he touched so many lives, but, all the good he saw in others, he couldn't see in himself,
Society's loss, they couldn't see, their heavenly fathers spirit, for in rejecting Jesse, they turned their back on he.
Donna I thank you for the gift, of sharing your precious son,
Jesse spirit lives on in all, he loved, and who in turn loved he.
His father is haunted by his loss, his half brothers Zane & Luke will miss getting to know him better, but society will certainly gain through his presence & passing.
What is a mother without her son? Just like a song left unsung, Heart thinking of two, yet beating for one.

In memory of my only loved son
Jesse

This is the tale of Jesse, the perfect mothers son,
He had every thing together; he thought he was a gun.
He had the pain, but he had the pills, they soon became as one
It closed in slowly, he was unaware, the perfect mothers son

The delicate webs of pain and the addiction were as one,
The pills and powders given him were bringing him undone.

His mother's pain at his plight was tearing at his heart.
The morph had him in its grip, holding on real fast
His mind in turmoil, his heart in pain and his soul not his to rule

The delicate webs of pain and the addiction were as one
Slowly but persistently it bought every thread undone

They gave him pills and powders, herbs and potions too
Combining in his heart and soul, into one unholy brew.
He came to take the pain away, but it rather took his mind,
With the shackles of addiction his spirit it did bind.

The delicate webs of pain and the addiction were as one,
The drugs had finally claimed his soul, nothing could be done

Picks and powders, death and shadows invaded every dream,
He was still his mother's son, but not half of what he had been,
He fought it hard with all he had, but couldn't break its grip,

The delicate webs of pain and the next deadly fix
I could sense the shadows rolling in darkening my door

Just one more hit, it will be my last, how true these words become,
He closed his eyes and drowned in phlegm, my beautiful tortured son
I hope to Christ, it was worth the price that never-ending dream.

The delicate webs of pain and the addiction were as one,
The Addiction has finally gone, but so has my beautiful son
And his delicate webs of pain are forever left behind,
Just as I have loved him, the PAIN IS NOW ALL MINE

Donna Kittel for Jesse
18/11/73 to 28/10 /99

Postscript

My name is Donna ! I am half the person I was, my heart, my soul, my reason for joy, is on this page and no longer with me in body. I find myself wandering aimlessly though life trying to better other people's lives and finding mine sadly lacking. Jesse's death has left his brother Zane and Luke with a very hard learnt lesson in life, about drug abuse. His father a shadow of himself. bereft of his first born, but the main thing is these people are our loved ones, addiction is just a part of their makeup that in no way undermines their value to us all. Jesse lives on in Jessewish.