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For
years now, my daughter has fearlessly-and stupidly (in
my opinion)-ridden the back of a heroin addiction. The
irony is that I'm a better parent for it.
While
she has succumbed to a dangerous, unfocused, total abandonment
to this drug, I have come to completely accept her,
love her, and continue to believe in her. I see her
not as I would like her to be, but as she is: A person
with a serious problem with drugs.
There
are many contradictions in parenting someone who is
dependent. I feel an excruciating sorrow over losing
her, yet I am at peace, I stay present for her while
at the same time I have let her go. And although my
heart is heavy with depression, I feel the lightness
of our love for each other.
For
a time I struggled to understand my daughter's heroin
problem. Finally I discovered-and ultimately accepted-the
fact that her dependence makes no sense. I made mistakes
but I accept that with my knowledge and awareness at
the time I did the best that I could.
For
my part, I want to look back at these troubling times
and feel at peace with the kind of parent I was. In
the meantime, I want to be the kind of parent my dependent
daughter needs most right now.
What
I believe she needs most is a parent who is stable,
resilient and down to earth. She needs a mother to soothe
the many bruises on her arms and on her heart. She needs
a father to help her focus on her reality. Mine is a
still, calm, wise type of parenting that waits for an
opportunity to be of real help. In the process, I create
the space for my child to seek effective help from other
people. This is a gentle parenting that welcomes the
Spirit to move and transform both of our lives. Soon
I may see my daughter completely recover and prosper.
Most
of all, this is a brand of parenting that sets an example
for my daughter and can help her decide in what way
she can be a good parent to herself.
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